I decided over the weekend that I am going to leave again. I've looked at the TES Jobs site and there are a few that look interesting. I'm going to try for a few of the ones in Europe over the coming weeks.

My decision isn't totally unexpected but I have given it a go. I have tried and have put myself in the position where I could stay here, but to be honest I'm not happy in England. I do enjoy the football, snooker and badminton I play, and I do (and am) enjoying seeing more of my family and friends but...in the end I just don't want to be here.

There's nothing particularly wrong with England. In fact my life is pretty good in comparison with that of many other people. What I can't cope with if the overwhelming air of resignation. Maybe it's just the circles I mix in, but I don't know anyone who is happy with the way things are going in this country, and the thing is it's not necessarily tangible things they can quote to you - it's just how they feel, and that feeling spreads to everything it comes into contact with.

I'm told however that this is the 'real world'.
In the 'real world' if I want to love around here I have to pay 80% of my wages each month to a mortgage on a bed-sit.
In the 'real world' important public services (such as 3000 Post Offices nationally!) have to go because there isn't a big enough profit margin in them.
In the 'real world' you have to pay tax on your wages and then pay again if you want any of the services that you pay your taxes for.
In the 'real world' there are people dying and homeless and our spiritual leaders are getting in a pickle over same-sex relationships.
In the 'real world' you have to accept that because a small percentage of the population are 'bad' it is acceptable to have your movements, actions, purchases etc. filmed, recorded and used against you.
In the 'real world' you are guilty until you prove your own innocence.
In the 'real world' these things go on and on without sight of an end.
In the 'real world' you accept all this and more, and work yourself into the ground in the aid of a relaxing retirement so that when you're 60 they can tell you you have to keep on working because they've messed up your pension investment.
In the 'real world' you have to live your life forever for the future and completely overlook the here and now.
I exist in the 'real world' and the realisation that this is what I am expected to just accept is the most depressing, overwhelmingly bleak feeling I have encountered. This is how it is. This is it. Get used to it.

Will moving abroad again make any difference? Well Seychelles shook me up and removed me from it all. Not being able to read or hear conversations helps. I love listening to Radio 4 but I can't listen to the news programs at the moment. Already the relentless games played by politicians and business leaders and decision makers are wearing me down. If you can't understand the language fluently you don't get all that. There were many problems in Seychelles - economics, social, environmental - but although they affected me my position as an outsider meant that they didn't feel like MY problems. It also helped that my local friends there never lost there overall sense of positivity. None of the resigned emptiness you find here. Problems were things that could be overcome, not walls that seal you into their cage. Sure, I was in a privileged position - an ex-pat teacher earning well above the national average and the option to move away if I wanted to - but I still had to work, and unlike here where the mantra is 'live to work', I was able to 'work to live'.

Moving away from England again isn't going to suddenly make me happy. It isn't going to suddenly make me see the future in a bright and positive way. It will however make me see the here and now in a positive way, and if I choose my location with an eye to that future I may well be on the road towards my own, better, version of the 'real world'.